ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
