I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
