Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found puke in my bra..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
