oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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