It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My pussy is not your playground.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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