one two three fourrrrnication!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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