I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
