I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
