he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
