I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
