So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
