I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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