Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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