I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
