Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I want her autograph on my taint
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
