i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
