The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
