she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
