YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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