Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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