dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
