the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
