She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
