i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
