I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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