they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
