she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize