I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
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Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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