I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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