I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
