Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Boobs are out for the taking
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
