singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
