Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
