you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
