i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
