Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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