I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
