So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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