If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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