Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
