no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
