yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
