i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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