Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
