sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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