dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
