i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
