Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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