I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
