I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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