weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
