Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
