i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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