You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You ruined the universe
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
