The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
