This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
