True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
