Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We named our party play list daddy issues
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
