I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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