We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
