dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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