How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You were trust falling into bushes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
