goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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