Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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